Megan endlessly grateful for my time in South Africa

I have now been back in the US for a little over 2 weeks. There are honestly so many feelings I have been having that I didn’t expect to have when I returned, however there are a lot of things happening that I accurately predicted would occur before my departure from Cape Town. I have had some interesting talks with my family, I have had some definite sticker shock, I am more socially aware, I crave mac and cheese balls from OBM daily, and a lot of people have asked me what it was like to live in a hut. The most prominent, however, is the ache I feel when I think about Cape Town. I miss the city, the people I connected with, my co-educators, and the way I felt there endlessly. I knew I would miss it, however the powerfulness of the longing is stronger than expected. I’m not really a crier, but you could catch me shedding a tear or two when I get nostalgic over CPT.

    

On a better note, one thing I have noticed is I am an infinitely more positive person. I think this is the result of a renewed gratitude for my life and adaptability. As for gratitude, the people that I met were grateful for things that are so much simpler than anything I would have given thanks for before my trip there. I went to Target the day following our landing with my mom (because who didn’t miss Target honestly), and my mom just looked at me and said “Stop saying thank you for everything you put in the cart!! You don’t have to say thank you for every granola bar!!” I didn’t realize I was doing it, and apparently I hadn’t before I left for the trip. But in Target that day, I was looking at the huge array of clothes, and mom’s carts filled to the brim, and specialty snacks that cost what a full meal would have cost in Cape Town, and thought how many people I met that would be in almost paralyzing gratitude if they could do or afford the same things as the people in that store. That wasn’t something I could find the words to truly explain to my mother in the moment, however, without sounding like one of those “there are starving kids in Africa!!” people. I didn’t stop saying thank you, though.

     

As for adaptability, from learning from people who had to constantly adapt to their much harsher environments, and from learning to adapt to the life I lead there, I can roll with the punches so much more now. I have always been a person that has liked to plan my life out for the next 10 years, and while I still do that in a sense, I am not as upset when things don’t work out in my favor, or if I get a better idea that will offset previous plans. Cape Town was not in the plans for me. I simply went to the symposium because I was curious and was looking into study abroads for junior year, but decided to apply that day. It was not that well thought out, truly, but I just knew I wanted to go so badly. I had about 2 weeks where I was struggling with whether or not I would go if accepted. I finally let myself do what I wanted instead of what I felt like I should be doing, and decided if accepted I would go. I was nervous I would change my mind, so I literally made a hand-written contract with myself and put it on my wall. It said, “If accepted to the program, I will study abroad in Cape Town Spring 2016” and signed and dated it. I still have it and still put it on my wall, as a reminder that the things that I never thought I would do could turn out to be the most amazing experiences of my life.  Having this challenging, amazing experience I never expected has made me so much more willing to accept things I never planned for.

    

Now that I am home, my number one objective is to find the sense of fulfillment that I found in Cape Town at home. Here, I have more responsibilities that have less to do with my personal growth and adventure, however I still do believe I can find it. I just accepted an internship with Elizabeth Esty’s district office, where I will get to work directly with families to help them get services they need from the government. I am trying to find somewhere to volunteer when I can, because I miss being able to play with the kids in Athlone, Oceanview and in Soweto and feeling like I am giving back some of the bounty I have been given. I also have kept journaling, and have started trying to read more instead of being on my phone or watching shows, as that makes me much happier. These are simple changes, however they are helping to reconcile what I feel is missing here that I found in Cape Town.

    

 In the times where all I can think about is how much I miss it, I find myself listening to Jeremy Loops and Desmond and the Tutus on repeat, reaching out to my co-educators and coworkers from Right2Know, and repeatedly looking at all the amazing pictures I now have. Most people from home are already tiring of me constantly talking about my experience, so I am so thankful I have these people to reach out to. No matter how different I feel now, or how differently I think my life will now be, I am endlessly grateful for my time in South Africa. I am one of the luckiest people in the world, I think, and I will try to bring what I learned there into my life daily.

Though I will be back someday, of course. 

Cape Town co-edcuators: Maria, Isabel, Meg, Kayla and Megan (who will of course be back someday!)